Patience, Young Padawan

This felt appropriate, for many reasons.
Plus it's nice to include a picture once in a while.

Looking at past blogs, I've found many things I could bring into this one as topics.
But I don't feel motivated to.

Getting this back up and running, and once again attempting to log my dreams, has left me feeling strangely accomplished.
So minute, but so meaningful.
But now I'm at a loss for words.

(Ha. Impossible, I know.)

If anyone is still keeping tabs, yes, I did finally get my Mirrormask tattoo.
And I still yearn for but am deathly frighten by the day when I move away from everyone I love.
Being alone, is a terrible feeling. Being alone surrounded by others is much worse.

I went to California in July to watch my brother marry the one person I've met who shows promise at handling his "charming" qualities.
And I am so proud, because of it.

And jealous.

I mean, I love my brother, immensely. And I am so happy for him.
But more and more that seems further from reach for me.
I know I am just going thru a phase, and it will pass.
But every time he checks on me, offers to help me.
It comes back. I appreciate his help, and heavens knows I need it.
But what can I do in return? What do I have to offer him?
He is a better brother, than I am a sister.
And a better husband, than I can even be a girlfriend.
We are so similar, and yet so completely opposite.

But enough of that.
I have my struggles.
My love life, my career, my living situation.
But I'm still content.
I have great friends, and although some opportunities are less available than others, I know they are still out there, and I am still seeking them out.
I used to say this all the time, when I would be chided for running late: "You can't rush awesome."
But all kidding aside, it's still true.
I can't just sit and let everything pass me by. But I can't force things to happen, that aren't ready to happen.

And so it goes.
I will patiently pursue a better life.
And one of these days, I hope to be granted such.

chimney smoke billowing, snowflakes on my lashes...

so, this christmas is coming along quite nicely i think

well, i mean...
okay i gotta rant for a smidge...
stress happens, to everyone, all the time
so, to all you angry people out there:
          get over yourselves.
yes, the few days before christmas can get rough.
but in NO way should you let the stress effect you so much that you take it out on everyone around you.
traffic is worse, shops are more crowded, but you know what?
i manage!
i still let cars in the line in an alternating fashion, i slow down for pedestrians, i make sure intersections aren't blocked for those who need thru...
but MOST IMPORTANTLY, i still know how to SMILE.

see?!?

christmas spirit FTW!

you can't really tell, but there are christmas lights on the garage, and they are on.
coming soon: penguin totem pole.
[you'll know what i mean when you see it]

so it's been hectic.
for example my 13 hr shift yesterday ran closer to 15, cutting my sleep down to 4 hrs before having to get blood drawn and go back to work this morning
BUT
then my sister and her family came over
i only really see them once a year
her kids are growing soooooooooo much.
the oldest is only a year away from driving. A YEAR.
i feel old
but it was nice.
AND AND AND
tell me this isn't the coolest start-of-christmas present ever?

that's right. you can't, because it is!
[ha. made you think!]


PLUS.
my car is fixed.
this is THE shiniest i have EVER seen it.
i swear.
annnnnnnd!
it smells prettier too!

apparently i can fall asleep while attempting to blog
i no longer have any idea where i was going after the car bits
as it is still early and snowy
plus this whole GOING TO work at 8am rather than COMING FROM work at 8am is playing badminton with my head
oooh, a birdie!
ha.

so i shall leave you with this:

MROW.