my cat eats hearts. or loses them.

either way, that's not good.
this:

is what i bought.
and proceeded to display on my window.


this:

gives you an idea of what's left.
not much.
the big'n's are just all cat hair'd up and lying on the ledge.
BUT.
the itty bitty hearts? GONE.
COMPLETELY GONE.
i don't know what's worse.
the idea that they are somewhere throughout the house.
or the idea that she ate them.

sigh.

other than my cat's shenannigans
i'm happy.
a lot.
i've lost [a significant amount of] weight.
not 4872937592 lbs, mind you.
but enough for me to feel like i am going the right direction.
exercise, healthy eating, will power FTW!

and then there are other things
that involve happiness.
but the way i tell stories?
that would be a long story.
and to be honest, not all of the story is mine to tell.
so instead.
i will sit here.
and smirk.
and be happy.
and be alive.
ALIVE.

a feeling i hadn't realized i was missing
until i got it back
and you know what?
i don't ever want to lost that feeling again.
and i ESPECIALLY
do not want to lose it without realizing it.


to top it off
i vaguely recall
making a semi-resolution about monthly mixes.
well.
it's a week late.
but.
here's one for january?

the unspeakable. or i just forgot...

so. i guess i sort of had two unspoken resolutions.
one i'm doing well on so far
the other not so much.
i need to take more photos with my digital camera, rather than my phone camera, this year...

especially since my digital camera, while still very minimal, has way more nifty little options than my phone
and also, i want to blog more.

ha.

guess which one i'm doing better on?

yeah. not so much the blogging. YET.

other than that, i HAVE been making progress.
i started [minimally] putting together valentines.
let's just say it's a good thing i have a month still...
i've worked on a few of the mixes i've been meaning to..
i started zumba last week [every thursday!]
i try and "run" [aka elliptical] every day other than zumba..
but so far every day means last wednesday, and then yesterday and the day before.
but i'm getting there. and i plan on keeping it up.
i have a gym pass damnit!

i've been told, that the date to keep in mind is valentine's day.
who knew?!? ;)
but if you can keep your resolutions going that long, you've got a good chance of keeping it up
kinda like saying when you go vegetarian, that if you can make it the first week, you can make it forever. [so far, that is true!]

speaking of valentines... if there is anyone reading this
[who isn't already on facebook, etc...]
and likes valentines day
or candy
or glitter
or snail mail
[really, you HAVE to like at least one of these, if you're a real person]
 okay. so i admit. i just recently was reminded [upon cleaning my closet], i apparently had a year where i hated valentines day.






















but that doesn't mean you shouldn't still give me your address!
i will send you some love!
[i can easily direct you to fb or my email address for less stalkerish happenings]


i can't help but be excited.
this is my favourite holiday...
but boy do i have my work cut out for me...

good thing i have support!

or maybe not...

resolutions, revamped.

so.

i had decided that when i got back from my new years festivities, that i would rewrite my resolutions
in a more serious and sober fashion
because i would like to revamp some, and add in a few others
well.
i got distracted by a few things...
the massive amounts of clothes i discarded from my closet [i am proud of myself!]
assassin's creed [in my defense it is one of my resolutions!]
and work. [BLAH]

so anyway
we shall try again

• first and foremost, i want to reinvent myself. not change who i am. but be more me. if i want to do something, do it. sing without worrying that i'm out of tune. buy an outfit that catches my eye without worrying whether or not it is 'my style'. and get FIT. healthy. comfortable with myself. i have no numerical goal. i have an idea. but really, it's about how i feel, not how many pounds i drop. and who knows what number corresponds to that.
• second, there's san diego. i WANT this to happen. and really, i think i NEED this to happen. i need a change of scenery. i need to snap out of this complacency, and get motivated. and i know just moving somewhere else won't fix it. but i'm prepared not to screw this up. so the biggest hurdle at the moment? saving money to make it happen THIS YEAR. but i WILL do it.
• third, valentine's day! it is my favourite holiday for being what it is. i like christmas, sure, because i get to see my family. but i like valentine's day for what it's about! LOVE. you don't need to be married, or dating, or any of that nonsense, to enjoy valentine's day. because MORE than ONE person can love you. and THEY DO. besides significant others, there are FRIENDS and FAMILY. so why not celebrate that love? and i will. and i will share it. by sending cute little cards and possibly candy to everyone i have an address for. that being said, as soon as i complete this blog, i will get off my ass and start collecting addresses so that this valentine's day can be EPIC. well. or at least splendid.
• fourth. mixes, mixes, mixes. i owe a lot of mixes to a lot of people. some expected and some not. i would like to make that happen. my biggest goal [probably] would be to get one to Matthew Gray Gubler, possibly as a birthday present. AND. for him to actually listen to it. [and hopefully, like it] that, out of all the mixes i wish to accomplish, is the least likely to go smoothly. but i will attempt it, and that is the most important part. there are others, and i could list them, but some our surprises. so i will just be silent, and leave them as playlists on itunes.
• fifth. actually, more mixes? in a different sense. i would like to try to make a general mix and the end of each month, and [if i can find a way] post it for the public. worse case, i could use 8tracks. which is actually an awesome site. but it limits me to only 8 tracks. so if i can find a way to be more authentic to my style i will. but either way, i will get off my ass and make a monthly mix for everyone. yay!
• sixth, more video games. sounds kinda ridiculous, i know, but i have all these games that i love and yet still i rarely play them? so i want to fix that. but in a responsible way. i will not let it get in the way of exercising, work, or a social life. in essence i just want to feel like i got my money's worth.

alright. i think that sums up the important stuff.
there may or may not be other things i wish to accomplish, but i really think that in one way or another,
that anything i may have left out actually can correlate with at least one resolution already up there.
and if not, oh well.
i can't remember the last time i made an official new years resolution list.
so six is just fine.

time is running out for us, but you just move the hands upon the clock

4 more hours
here's to 2011

i'm ready for a change
but i'm not naive enough to think that a change in digits
will bring that about

by the way, it's kind of hard to write a semi-serious blog amongst the company of friends...
caleb: "ryan, should i use science to freeze my margarita?"
[the night thus far...]

but i digress
i agree with the blog of miss Fabulous Lorraine
i am not scared to speak my goals out loud
if i am going to be 'jinxed' it will happen regardless of what amount of people hear my goals
i feel that by proclaiming what i want of myself and my life
i HAVE to accomplish it

so here goes
i AM GOING TO move to san diego
i AM GOING TO find a job in the music/television industry
i WILL be happy in what i do

that's the gist of it for now
it's more than that, obviously
but there are drunks here
and drinks that need to be drank

one must oblige, sometimes.

flying pancakes? FWAP.
they do not stick to walls, in case you were wondering


OKAY
before i forget

a few resolutions i'd like to make now, before i get distracted

+ i want to get FIT [not skinny. but HEALTHY]
+ i want to save enough money to make san diego happen, THIS YEAR
+ i want to organize contacts so that this years valentine's day is successful!

and here's a few less "important" ones [by other's standards, at least]
+ play more video games. i have a ps3, damnit
+ make a mixtape and mail it to Matthew Gray Gubler. [and for him to actually hear it! and love it!]
              + and also for cecily whose is past due. and wingwong. and many others

okay too many distractions.

CHEERS!