Cute And Barfy

This, I already know.
This will not follow a linear path of thought.

Most of what I want to blog about, I end up thinking about first, while driving, or in the shower, or basically doing anything that prevents me from being able to blog as I think it.

Initially, when thinking on my next blog (aka this one)
I was going to start off by cursing you for reading. No, no. Not you. You.
And often times I start off with exclamations of "Jesus Christ!"
But, I try to limit that, as some might take offense.
And then I though about how a week ago instead of "Holy Jesus!" I had said "Holy Cheese Puffs!"
Which started me thinking about different... variations, as it were.
This led me to wonder.
Why do so many people say "Cheese and Rice!"
Wouldn't it make more sense to say "Cheese and Mice!"
No? Pity.

See.
This has nothing to do with my initial reason for blogging.
Partly because my train of thought is ridiculous, and partly because I think that the longer I put it off, the better I will be able to word it. Or, on the other side, the less likely I will post it at all.
Either one would be okay with me.

But since I'm here, looks like it's getting posted.

So why the cursing?

Do I write this like no one is reading?
Or do I write it, like everyone, including you, is reading.
Bah!
Fine.

So I'm a bit smitten.
Which, I'm not gonna lie, I decided to research on Dictionary.com and Thesaurus.com before using.
And while I had an inkling in the back of my head, I most definitely did giggle out loud when Dictionary.com confirmed that it is a derivative of Smite.
Oh yeah.
I love the English language.

But again, I digress.

So I geek out at the little things.
Similarities that are so subtle you almost don't notice.
They make me giddy.
 Keep Calm.


I'm smitten. Just a lil.
This is nothing new. It happens. It's a part of who I am.
But nonetheless, every time, it frightens me.
And why shouldn't it?
Everything new is always so deceptive.
Not intentionally, it's just how it works.
Bugger that.


Ahhhahaha. Oh wow.
I was debating on writing how my heart tends to move faster than my head would prefer.
This concept put an image in my head.
It's like those water-skiers out on the rivers and lakes and such.
Except it's my heart that's driving the boat, and my head that's on the skies.
And my head is in no way a professional. Just scrambling to keep a hold on the rope.
And really, the heart isn't actually friends with head. It just pretended to be, to prank the head later on.
You can see where this is going.

Good thing I'm not afraid of water.

 

Expletives!
I'm completely bonkers. Yeesh.


I'm sorry.
I think too much.
I am way too insecure.
I'll be better in the morning.

I am destroyer, I am lover.

Life Is Like A T-Rex

I keep meaning to write, and then life happens.
Sometimes it's legitimate, sometimes I put it off because I can.
Either way, I know if I let it go any longer I'll fall back into not writing a blog.

I'm behind on my dreams as well, but I've at least taken notes.
Just nothing coherent enough to publish yet.

Jenny Owen Youngs happened. I believe that's where we left off...
It was glorious.
It was Aaron's first you-have-to-buy-a-ticket-to-get-in show.
There was an opening band. Well. Half of a band.
New Empires, I believe?
From Australia. Their other half was still in Australia.
I chatted them up. It was lovely.
I love accents.
And of course.
I got a hug from Jenny. I'm all about the hugs.
She is an amazing artist, I'm glad I saw her perform.

And even better, glad that I got to see it with Christine, Sam, and Aaron.
Nostalgia.
Going to shows, and seeing Christine on a regular basis... I most definitely miss that.

This whole weekend was filled with nostalgia.

Fancy bowling was fancy.
New faces, old concept. And new name, "Spiffy Bowling."
However, I drunkenly documented that well enough on Facebook.
So we'll just leave it at that.


I am so unbelievably content with life right now.
I am also unbelievably frightened.
And yes, I say this pretty much every other month week.

I think I am just perpetually waiting for the Other Shoe.

I seem to have this issue for accepting life for what it is.
I talk the talk, sure.
But deep down I still freak out.

Everything contradictory, I am.


I don't have things figured out.
Once upon a time, I was close.
Real close.
But that window closed, and now I wait til it's warm enough to open up another.

Waiting can be daunting.

Especially when an unexpected relationship springs up.
By no means is this a bad thing.
Just.
There's just so much.

It's too new to look too far ahead, and yet.
How else can I figure out my life, and all things it includes, without looking ahead?
Contradictory.

One day at a time.
One.


Yes, I am aware you are reading this.
And yes, behind this calm and awkward demeanor I am silently freaking out.
Contradictory.


But right now I am happy.
Most important of all, I am happy.
Thank you.

Dear February, I Love You.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE BUT I AM EXCITED.

There are so many confusing things happening.
I think they are all good.

But right now, I know this:

I am going to visit Christine today, a friend who I haven't seen in AT LEAST 5 years.
Probably longer, but shh.
A cute boy has decided to tag along.

(I am very much okay with this.)

And we are going to see Jenny Owen Youngs.
We will probably be disapproved by Delilah the bunny.
And there might be some Firefly action.

Then.
Tomorrow.
I get to dress up. Like really, truly, dress up.
To go bowling.

I love the concept of dressing up. But I always feel awkward.
Because I am not a dressy uppy type of person.
So to dress up, for awkward reasons, well... I'm right at home, then.
And I get to be with some pretty splendid company, too.

This whole weekend is a win.
And this whole week has been a win.
Actually. This entire month started off pretty full of win.
Dear everyone: THANK YOU.


P.S. For the next... nineteen days, I am officially up to date on my monthly mixes.
I'll just leave these right here...

knowing, without knowing. from meganagitor on 8tracks.

two cups discord, one teaspoon holidays, and a pinch of cheer. blend well. from meganagitor on 8tracks.

Strength in numbers. from meganagitor on 8tracks.

Revival and Renewal

The key here, is to be terse.
Unfortunately, a quality that I am highly lacking.

This blog has been abandoned for almost seven months.
Hmm, no.
Not truly abandoned, and definitely not forgotten....
Neglected, more like.

I'm here to remedy that, once again. Hopefully.

Little by little.

Part of me wants to summarize the past seven months, and part of me wants to start with the past seven days.
But right now, neither of that will happen.

At the moment I have two... nay, three goals.

One- Reviving this blog. Slowly, but surely.
Two- Renewing my interest in documenting my dreams. Now in Delicious Blog Form!

And Three- I've more than a few monthly mixes I've left by the wayside.

So here's a few:


June:

all the movements and the moments in the music... from meganagitor on 8tracks.

July:

distance aside, it remains the same from meganagitor on 8tracks.

August:

growing up was never my forte from meganagitor on 8tracks.

I think that's a good start.

THIS is how my brain works. are you sure you know me? are you sure you want to?

sometimes i wish i could directly blog from my thoughts.
but i would probably frighten all of you
i often get distracted by the night sky
the vastness of it, the clarity
the infinite amount of stars...
i may be 25, but i still wish upon stars

so okay. this probably sounds normal so far.
just wait.

as the rhyme goes [as i know it]
'star light, star bright,
first star i see tonight
i wish i may, i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight'

normally, if i see a star, and i KNOW it to be the first star i see, i make a wish.
but recently
i've been having this internal debate
because sometimes, if i don't know which star it was i saw first
i won't make a wish
and sometimes i think,
i won't make a wish because they are probably over burdened with wishes from everywhere
but then i wonder, if maybe it's offensive NOT to make a wish
that they NEED wishes.
yes, i said they.
maybe i have neil gaiman and stardust to blame for that
but if so, only a smidge
but anyway
thus the dilemma rages
so to quell it, at least temporarily
there are days i make serious wishes, and there are days that i make not so serious ones
not ridiculous, mind you
but. ones that, mean less.
i guess that would be the best way to put it.

and this, is what i mean.
who thinks like this?

i mean.
who spends that much time
debating on what is least likely to offend stars
when it comes to making wishes?



and i think
well. at least i don't hallucinate.
or do i??

one of my coworkers started hallucinating at work
beginning of the shift, fine
then came "sorry if i make any orders wrong, my vision is messed up"
an hour or so later "were you just back here? no? i think i'm seeing things..."
two thirds of the way through our shift "what is that fat b* doing with her pants down out there?" ...but there was no one outside
by the end of the shift? "there's a truckload of buffalo out there!"
those are just the main points.
needless to say, that last few hours i was just counting down the seconds until other people started showing up and my shift was over...

but the progression of him aware of hallucinating, to him not realizing what the hell he was saying?
i started to doubt my own reality.
for him to not realize that what he said made no sense
or that what he saw was just in his head
what if i was actually the one hallucinating?
what if i couldn't tell what was actually going on around me?
but this has gotta be one hell of a hallucination to be this long...