THIS is how my brain works. are you sure you know me? are you sure you want to?

sometimes i wish i could directly blog from my thoughts.
but i would probably frighten all of you
i often get distracted by the night sky
the vastness of it, the clarity
the infinite amount of stars...
i may be 25, but i still wish upon stars

so okay. this probably sounds normal so far.
just wait.

as the rhyme goes [as i know it]
'star light, star bright,
first star i see tonight
i wish i may, i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight'

normally, if i see a star, and i KNOW it to be the first star i see, i make a wish.
but recently
i've been having this internal debate
because sometimes, if i don't know which star it was i saw first
i won't make a wish
and sometimes i think,
i won't make a wish because they are probably over burdened with wishes from everywhere
but then i wonder, if maybe it's offensive NOT to make a wish
that they NEED wishes.
yes, i said they.
maybe i have neil gaiman and stardust to blame for that
but if so, only a smidge
but anyway
thus the dilemma rages
so to quell it, at least temporarily
there are days i make serious wishes, and there are days that i make not so serious ones
not ridiculous, mind you
but. ones that, mean less.
i guess that would be the best way to put it.

and this, is what i mean.
who thinks like this?

i mean.
who spends that much time
debating on what is least likely to offend stars
when it comes to making wishes?



and i think
well. at least i don't hallucinate.
or do i??

one of my coworkers started hallucinating at work
beginning of the shift, fine
then came "sorry if i make any orders wrong, my vision is messed up"
an hour or so later "were you just back here? no? i think i'm seeing things..."
two thirds of the way through our shift "what is that fat b* doing with her pants down out there?" ...but there was no one outside
by the end of the shift? "there's a truckload of buffalo out there!"
those are just the main points.
needless to say, that last few hours i was just counting down the seconds until other people started showing up and my shift was over...

but the progression of him aware of hallucinating, to him not realizing what the hell he was saying?
i started to doubt my own reality.
for him to not realize that what he said made no sense
or that what he saw was just in his head
what if i was actually the one hallucinating?
what if i couldn't tell what was actually going on around me?
but this has gotta be one hell of a hallucination to be this long...

the unspeakable. or i just forgot...

so. i guess i sort of had two unspoken resolutions.
one i'm doing well on so far
the other not so much.
i need to take more photos with my digital camera, rather than my phone camera, this year...

especially since my digital camera, while still very minimal, has way more nifty little options than my phone
and also, i want to blog more.

ha.

guess which one i'm doing better on?

yeah. not so much the blogging. YET.

other than that, i HAVE been making progress.
i started [minimally] putting together valentines.
let's just say it's a good thing i have a month still...
i've worked on a few of the mixes i've been meaning to..
i started zumba last week [every thursday!]
i try and "run" [aka elliptical] every day other than zumba..
but so far every day means last wednesday, and then yesterday and the day before.
but i'm getting there. and i plan on keeping it up.
i have a gym pass damnit!

i've been told, that the date to keep in mind is valentine's day.
who knew?!? ;)
but if you can keep your resolutions going that long, you've got a good chance of keeping it up
kinda like saying when you go vegetarian, that if you can make it the first week, you can make it forever. [so far, that is true!]

speaking of valentines... if there is anyone reading this
[who isn't already on facebook, etc...]
and likes valentines day
or candy
or glitter
or snail mail
[really, you HAVE to like at least one of these, if you're a real person]
 okay. so i admit. i just recently was reminded [upon cleaning my closet], i apparently had a year where i hated valentines day.






















but that doesn't mean you shouldn't still give me your address!
i will send you some love!
[i can easily direct you to fb or my email address for less stalkerish happenings]


i can't help but be excited.
this is my favourite holiday...
but boy do i have my work cut out for me...

good thing i have support!

or maybe not...

resolutions, revamped.

so.

i had decided that when i got back from my new years festivities, that i would rewrite my resolutions
in a more serious and sober fashion
because i would like to revamp some, and add in a few others
well.
i got distracted by a few things...
the massive amounts of clothes i discarded from my closet [i am proud of myself!]
assassin's creed [in my defense it is one of my resolutions!]
and work. [BLAH]

so anyway
we shall try again

• first and foremost, i want to reinvent myself. not change who i am. but be more me. if i want to do something, do it. sing without worrying that i'm out of tune. buy an outfit that catches my eye without worrying whether or not it is 'my style'. and get FIT. healthy. comfortable with myself. i have no numerical goal. i have an idea. but really, it's about how i feel, not how many pounds i drop. and who knows what number corresponds to that.
• second, there's san diego. i WANT this to happen. and really, i think i NEED this to happen. i need a change of scenery. i need to snap out of this complacency, and get motivated. and i know just moving somewhere else won't fix it. but i'm prepared not to screw this up. so the biggest hurdle at the moment? saving money to make it happen THIS YEAR. but i WILL do it.
• third, valentine's day! it is my favourite holiday for being what it is. i like christmas, sure, because i get to see my family. but i like valentine's day for what it's about! LOVE. you don't need to be married, or dating, or any of that nonsense, to enjoy valentine's day. because MORE than ONE person can love you. and THEY DO. besides significant others, there are FRIENDS and FAMILY. so why not celebrate that love? and i will. and i will share it. by sending cute little cards and possibly candy to everyone i have an address for. that being said, as soon as i complete this blog, i will get off my ass and start collecting addresses so that this valentine's day can be EPIC. well. or at least splendid.
• fourth. mixes, mixes, mixes. i owe a lot of mixes to a lot of people. some expected and some not. i would like to make that happen. my biggest goal [probably] would be to get one to Matthew Gray Gubler, possibly as a birthday present. AND. for him to actually listen to it. [and hopefully, like it] that, out of all the mixes i wish to accomplish, is the least likely to go smoothly. but i will attempt it, and that is the most important part. there are others, and i could list them, but some our surprises. so i will just be silent, and leave them as playlists on itunes.
• fifth. actually, more mixes? in a different sense. i would like to try to make a general mix and the end of each month, and [if i can find a way] post it for the public. worse case, i could use 8tracks. which is actually an awesome site. but it limits me to only 8 tracks. so if i can find a way to be more authentic to my style i will. but either way, i will get off my ass and make a monthly mix for everyone. yay!
• sixth, more video games. sounds kinda ridiculous, i know, but i have all these games that i love and yet still i rarely play them? so i want to fix that. but in a responsible way. i will not let it get in the way of exercising, work, or a social life. in essence i just want to feel like i got my money's worth.

alright. i think that sums up the important stuff.
there may or may not be other things i wish to accomplish, but i really think that in one way or another,
that anything i may have left out actually can correlate with at least one resolution already up there.
and if not, oh well.
i can't remember the last time i made an official new years resolution list.
so six is just fine.