Cute And Barfy

This, I already know.
This will not follow a linear path of thought.

Most of what I want to blog about, I end up thinking about first, while driving, or in the shower, or basically doing anything that prevents me from being able to blog as I think it.

Initially, when thinking on my next blog (aka this one)
I was going to start off by cursing you for reading. No, no. Not you. You.
And often times I start off with exclamations of "Jesus Christ!"
But, I try to limit that, as some might take offense.
And then I though about how a week ago instead of "Holy Jesus!" I had said "Holy Cheese Puffs!"
Which started me thinking about different... variations, as it were.
This led me to wonder.
Why do so many people say "Cheese and Rice!"
Wouldn't it make more sense to say "Cheese and Mice!"
No? Pity.

See.
This has nothing to do with my initial reason for blogging.
Partly because my train of thought is ridiculous, and partly because I think that the longer I put it off, the better I will be able to word it. Or, on the other side, the less likely I will post it at all.
Either one would be okay with me.

But since I'm here, looks like it's getting posted.

So why the cursing?

Do I write this like no one is reading?
Or do I write it, like everyone, including you, is reading.
Bah!
Fine.

So I'm a bit smitten.
Which, I'm not gonna lie, I decided to research on Dictionary.com and Thesaurus.com before using.
And while I had an inkling in the back of my head, I most definitely did giggle out loud when Dictionary.com confirmed that it is a derivative of Smite.
Oh yeah.
I love the English language.

But again, I digress.

So I geek out at the little things.
Similarities that are so subtle you almost don't notice.
They make me giddy.
 Keep Calm.


I'm smitten. Just a lil.
This is nothing new. It happens. It's a part of who I am.
But nonetheless, every time, it frightens me.
And why shouldn't it?
Everything new is always so deceptive.
Not intentionally, it's just how it works.
Bugger that.


Ahhhahaha. Oh wow.
I was debating on writing how my heart tends to move faster than my head would prefer.
This concept put an image in my head.
It's like those water-skiers out on the rivers and lakes and such.
Except it's my heart that's driving the boat, and my head that's on the skies.
And my head is in no way a professional. Just scrambling to keep a hold on the rope.
And really, the heart isn't actually friends with head. It just pretended to be, to prank the head later on.
You can see where this is going.

Good thing I'm not afraid of water.

 

Expletives!
I'm completely bonkers. Yeesh.


I'm sorry.
I think too much.
I am way too insecure.
I'll be better in the morning.

I am destroyer, I am lover.

Life Is Like A T-Rex

I keep meaning to write, and then life happens.
Sometimes it's legitimate, sometimes I put it off because I can.
Either way, I know if I let it go any longer I'll fall back into not writing a blog.

I'm behind on my dreams as well, but I've at least taken notes.
Just nothing coherent enough to publish yet.

Jenny Owen Youngs happened. I believe that's where we left off...
It was glorious.
It was Aaron's first you-have-to-buy-a-ticket-to-get-in show.
There was an opening band. Well. Half of a band.
New Empires, I believe?
From Australia. Their other half was still in Australia.
I chatted them up. It was lovely.
I love accents.
And of course.
I got a hug from Jenny. I'm all about the hugs.
She is an amazing artist, I'm glad I saw her perform.

And even better, glad that I got to see it with Christine, Sam, and Aaron.
Nostalgia.
Going to shows, and seeing Christine on a regular basis... I most definitely miss that.

This whole weekend was filled with nostalgia.

Fancy bowling was fancy.
New faces, old concept. And new name, "Spiffy Bowling."
However, I drunkenly documented that well enough on Facebook.
So we'll just leave it at that.


I am so unbelievably content with life right now.
I am also unbelievably frightened.
And yes, I say this pretty much every other month week.

I think I am just perpetually waiting for the Other Shoe.

I seem to have this issue for accepting life for what it is.
I talk the talk, sure.
But deep down I still freak out.

Everything contradictory, I am.


I don't have things figured out.
Once upon a time, I was close.
Real close.
But that window closed, and now I wait til it's warm enough to open up another.

Waiting can be daunting.

Especially when an unexpected relationship springs up.
By no means is this a bad thing.
Just.
There's just so much.

It's too new to look too far ahead, and yet.
How else can I figure out my life, and all things it includes, without looking ahead?
Contradictory.

One day at a time.
One.


Yes, I am aware you are reading this.
And yes, behind this calm and awkward demeanor I am silently freaking out.
Contradictory.


But right now I am happy.
Most important of all, I am happy.
Thank you.

Dear February, I Love You.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE BUT I AM EXCITED.

There are so many confusing things happening.
I think they are all good.

But right now, I know this:

I am going to visit Christine today, a friend who I haven't seen in AT LEAST 5 years.
Probably longer, but shh.
A cute boy has decided to tag along.

(I am very much okay with this.)

And we are going to see Jenny Owen Youngs.
We will probably be disapproved by Delilah the bunny.
And there might be some Firefly action.

Then.
Tomorrow.
I get to dress up. Like really, truly, dress up.
To go bowling.

I love the concept of dressing up. But I always feel awkward.
Because I am not a dressy uppy type of person.
So to dress up, for awkward reasons, well... I'm right at home, then.
And I get to be with some pretty splendid company, too.

This whole weekend is a win.
And this whole week has been a win.
Actually. This entire month started off pretty full of win.
Dear everyone: THANK YOU.


P.S. For the next... nineteen days, I am officially up to date on my monthly mixes.
I'll just leave these right here...

knowing, without knowing. from meganagitor on 8tracks.

two cups discord, one teaspoon holidays, and a pinch of cheer. blend well. from meganagitor on 8tracks.

Strength in numbers. from meganagitor on 8tracks.

Who Wants To Cuddle?

Again, I've been writing about my dreams almost every day.
(Because I've been having dreams almost every night.)

But it's so hard to write about what you are doing, when you are already busy doing it.

I've been having an off and on rough time with Alex (through no fault of his own).
But I think I'm finally surpassing that little blip on my radar.
Ironically enough, with his help.

Which.
I have the greatest friends ever.
And I keep meeting more.

Dear everyone in my life right now: You Rock.


So, my laptop is officially (mostly) fixed.
As long as it is plugged in, it turns on, and has a working operating system, and functions as laptops should.
Now if only I could figure out what is wrong with the battery/port area. Without having to spend more money.


In other news, I realized that I haven't been on a "proper" date in quite some time.
However, I use "proper" loosely.
There was a debate had about how if it's proper, then the gentleman pays.
Hey, if he wants to, sure.
But for me specifically, what's been lacking is the gentleman planning the date.
I can pay for myself. But I always end up picking out something to do.
Me, of all people, making the decisions. Ha.
Mostly because if I don't do it, it won't happen.

Just once.
Well.
More than once, hopefully. But for starters, just once, I'd like to be surprised.
Tell me what day to keep free, tell me what attire to wear, tell me what things to bring or not bring.
And show me the rest.

Also, I'd like some cuddles.
That'd be nice, too.



Ironically enough, I think I'm developing a bit of a crush.
Stupid brain.
Ah well. We'll see how that goes.

Equally perplexing, is I took a gander at my stats for this page and something in particular caught my eye.
One particular section on the page lists "search keywords" which I take to mean as people who searched for those particular keywords found a link to my page, and checked it out.
Perhaps I am wrong.
Given the one listing under search keywords thus far, I think I must be.
Because "justin bieber evil laugh" is what appears there.
Uhm.
What?

So yeah.
For now I will just leave you with this video, because I'm in fucking love with this song at the moment.
And It has NOTHING to do with Justin Bieber, or Evil Laughter, thankfully.


 Don't listen to a word I say! Hey!

Patience, Young Padawan

This felt appropriate, for many reasons.
Plus it's nice to include a picture once in a while.

Looking at past blogs, I've found many things I could bring into this one as topics.
But I don't feel motivated to.

Getting this back up and running, and once again attempting to log my dreams, has left me feeling strangely accomplished.
So minute, but so meaningful.
But now I'm at a loss for words.

(Ha. Impossible, I know.)

If anyone is still keeping tabs, yes, I did finally get my Mirrormask tattoo.
And I still yearn for but am deathly frighten by the day when I move away from everyone I love.
Being alone, is a terrible feeling. Being alone surrounded by others is much worse.

I went to California in July to watch my brother marry the one person I've met who shows promise at handling his "charming" qualities.
And I am so proud, because of it.

And jealous.

I mean, I love my brother, immensely. And I am so happy for him.
But more and more that seems further from reach for me.
I know I am just going thru a phase, and it will pass.
But every time he checks on me, offers to help me.
It comes back. I appreciate his help, and heavens knows I need it.
But what can I do in return? What do I have to offer him?
He is a better brother, than I am a sister.
And a better husband, than I can even be a girlfriend.
We are so similar, and yet so completely opposite.

But enough of that.
I have my struggles.
My love life, my career, my living situation.
But I'm still content.
I have great friends, and although some opportunities are less available than others, I know they are still out there, and I am still seeking them out.
I used to say this all the time, when I would be chided for running late: "You can't rush awesome."
But all kidding aside, it's still true.
I can't just sit and let everything pass me by. But I can't force things to happen, that aren't ready to happen.

And so it goes.
I will patiently pursue a better life.
And one of these days, I hope to be granted such.

oh lordie.

i've all but given up on this site, it seems.
but.
i mean.
social life? or blog?
until i learn to manage the two together, i'm sorry but social life will win.
cause i have been meeting SO MANY amazing folks.
and i wouldn't trade it for the world.
i can't even describe how wonderful of a feeling it is.

hmm what else...
so much has happened i don't even know what to say.
i feel like i need a theme song comparable to that of big bang theory

uhh.

i am still working on california.
it has been a roller coaster
kinda going, maybe not, set a date, oh wait not yet, maybe going, and right now no fucking clue.
ha. maybe it'll change within the week.
i just hope that if i figure out i'm going, i figure it out more than a week before.
and as much as i want this to happen
i can't think about it
because i start to stress at all the people i have to say goodbye to
okay. end of that or i'm gonna do it again.

also.
car wreck, totaled.
still suck at bass.
mirrormask tattoo delayed by car wreck, but it'll happen by the end of july.
new car found, 2 months later.

and let's see. looks like i missed posting about 3 monthly mixes.


march:




april:



may:



have fun with that?

there are things i am horrible at

this would be one of them


that's all i really wanted to say.

i do intend on updating
as a lot has happened
but right now i would rather eat lasagna
and take a nap
it's been how long anyway?
a few more days
or months
won't hurt anyone

i promise

just like a kitten.

so much.
there is so much.

i initially figured that since i've procrastinated enough already
i'd just wait til my end of month mix was due
before i did another post
since it's already been so long
but there's just so much.

i'm probably going to become redundant in saying this
but i'm okay with it
ALIVE
i still am
and i still feel it
and it's great

despite the complications
i am unspeakably happy
with the people that are in my life right now
some have been for quite some time
others, are new arrivals
and i welcome them with open arms

if i actually believed in regret
i may or may not have regrets later on
but
since i don't
i think it'll all work out
one way or another


on a side note
holy postage batman!
i completed my massive valentine's day event
sent out well over 50 valentines to those willing to divulge their addresses
and good gracious
if i didn't break 100 in costs
i sure came close
postage alone was over 80
so
as enjoyable as the task was
it will NOT be a reoccuring event
not like that

i also went out with a friend
the night of
i based my outfit around my socks

there was thai food, followed by drinks at the bier stube
go figure it was a monday night
and do you know what monday nights are at the bier stube?
karaoke nights
somehow
i was tricked into singing
but you know what?
i did it!
and, i didn't even pee my pants!
granted, i wasn't wearing pants....
i don't see it happening again in the near future
but maybe the later future
as i did survive
and it was maybe a smidgen of fun


and finally
[at least for this post]
meet my new baby!!!

he [i'm about 82% sure he's a he] doesn't have a name yet
but you can't force things like these

i went to music-go-round
with every intention of LOOKING at a bass or two
but no intention of BUYING one
not yet, at least
but then
they put him in my hands

and.
well.
it was love.
like when i got my kitty.
once i picked her up
i couldn't put her back down
not until i knew she was mine


so yes
i'm giddy in all sorts of ways
people
musics
BASS
musical people
love
it's amazing

my cat eats hearts. or loses them.

either way, that's not good.
this:

is what i bought.
and proceeded to display on my window.


this:

gives you an idea of what's left.
not much.
the big'n's are just all cat hair'd up and lying on the ledge.
BUT.
the itty bitty hearts? GONE.
COMPLETELY GONE.
i don't know what's worse.
the idea that they are somewhere throughout the house.
or the idea that she ate them.

sigh.

other than my cat's shenannigans
i'm happy.
a lot.
i've lost [a significant amount of] weight.
not 4872937592 lbs, mind you.
but enough for me to feel like i am going the right direction.
exercise, healthy eating, will power FTW!

and then there are other things
that involve happiness.
but the way i tell stories?
that would be a long story.
and to be honest, not all of the story is mine to tell.
so instead.
i will sit here.
and smirk.
and be happy.
and be alive.
ALIVE.

a feeling i hadn't realized i was missing
until i got it back
and you know what?
i don't ever want to lost that feeling again.
and i ESPECIALLY
do not want to lose it without realizing it.


to top it off
i vaguely recall
making a semi-resolution about monthly mixes.
well.
it's a week late.
but.
here's one for january?