Patience, Young Padawan

This felt appropriate, for many reasons.
Plus it's nice to include a picture once in a while.

Looking at past blogs, I've found many things I could bring into this one as topics.
But I don't feel motivated to.

Getting this back up and running, and once again attempting to log my dreams, has left me feeling strangely accomplished.
So minute, but so meaningful.
But now I'm at a loss for words.

(Ha. Impossible, I know.)

If anyone is still keeping tabs, yes, I did finally get my Mirrormask tattoo.
And I still yearn for but am deathly frighten by the day when I move away from everyone I love.
Being alone, is a terrible feeling. Being alone surrounded by others is much worse.

I went to California in July to watch my brother marry the one person I've met who shows promise at handling his "charming" qualities.
And I am so proud, because of it.

And jealous.

I mean, I love my brother, immensely. And I am so happy for him.
But more and more that seems further from reach for me.
I know I am just going thru a phase, and it will pass.
But every time he checks on me, offers to help me.
It comes back. I appreciate his help, and heavens knows I need it.
But what can I do in return? What do I have to offer him?
He is a better brother, than I am a sister.
And a better husband, than I can even be a girlfriend.
We are so similar, and yet so completely opposite.

But enough of that.
I have my struggles.
My love life, my career, my living situation.
But I'm still content.
I have great friends, and although some opportunities are less available than others, I know they are still out there, and I am still seeking them out.
I used to say this all the time, when I would be chided for running late: "You can't rush awesome."
But all kidding aside, it's still true.
I can't just sit and let everything pass me by. But I can't force things to happen, that aren't ready to happen.

And so it goes.
I will patiently pursue a better life.
And one of these days, I hope to be granted such.

Revival and Renewal

The key here, is to be terse.
Unfortunately, a quality that I am highly lacking.

This blog has been abandoned for almost seven months.
Hmm, no.
Not truly abandoned, and definitely not forgotten....
Neglected, more like.

I'm here to remedy that, once again. Hopefully.

Little by little.

Part of me wants to summarize the past seven months, and part of me wants to start with the past seven days.
But right now, neither of that will happen.

At the moment I have two... nay, three goals.

One- Reviving this blog. Slowly, but surely.
Two- Renewing my interest in documenting my dreams. Now in Delicious Blog Form!

And Three- I've more than a few monthly mixes I've left by the wayside.

So here's a few:


June:

all the movements and the moments in the music... from meganagitor on 8tracks.

July:

distance aside, it remains the same from meganagitor on 8tracks.

August:

growing up was never my forte from meganagitor on 8tracks.

I think that's a good start.

orange crush

some time ago, i dreamt about a kid i knew in high school
more specifically, a kid i had a crush on, in high school
then, i thought, hey!
google knows everything!
maybe he's on facebook!
fail, and double fail.
end train of thought.

until about a half hour ago.
i'm out at the bars with my brother
[the only time i go to the bars here, mind you..]
and right before we leave, in he walks.
the kid.
[or at least i'm 97.4% certain it was him]
but
we were in the process of leaving
and i only knew him casually back in the day
so did i say hi?
not a chance.
fail, and double fail again.
[oh. and he's still not findable on google/facebook]

oh well.

do i really need to tie myself down with the people in this area any more than i have?
i thought the goal was san diego.
SAN DIEGO.

so it must be a sign.

he's still cute though.


not as cute as Panda Bieber though!

this is what happens when your brother gives you a panda hat
and the movie theatre has a life-size cut-out of justin bieber.


no i was not drunk.

so wrap me up in dreams and death

well. that was a bit of a bland first start.
though i'm not sure i can make today much more interesting.
four days of the week, most of my waking hours are spent working.
on 3rd shift.
this was one of those for days. or is?
i guess it depends on the day begins or ends for each individual.
but honestly. my point is only that, it is rare that anything happens at work that is interesting enough to tell a story about later.

but!

my dreams are pretty interesting.

in the past two days, sleeping, i've been abused by a customer, ignored by friends, accused of murder, in a car chase, and most recently shot in the stomach by a coworker- right in front of a hospital! and he wouldn't let me go inside.

with that being said, i suppose it's time to see what today's sleep has in store for me!