Cute And Barfy

This, I already know.
This will not follow a linear path of thought.

Most of what I want to blog about, I end up thinking about first, while driving, or in the shower, or basically doing anything that prevents me from being able to blog as I think it.

Initially, when thinking on my next blog (aka this one)
I was going to start off by cursing you for reading. No, no. Not you. You.
And often times I start off with exclamations of "Jesus Christ!"
But, I try to limit that, as some might take offense.
And then I though about how a week ago instead of "Holy Jesus!" I had said "Holy Cheese Puffs!"
Which started me thinking about different... variations, as it were.
This led me to wonder.
Why do so many people say "Cheese and Rice!"
Wouldn't it make more sense to say "Cheese and Mice!"
No? Pity.

See.
This has nothing to do with my initial reason for blogging.
Partly because my train of thought is ridiculous, and partly because I think that the longer I put it off, the better I will be able to word it. Or, on the other side, the less likely I will post it at all.
Either one would be okay with me.

But since I'm here, looks like it's getting posted.

So why the cursing?

Do I write this like no one is reading?
Or do I write it, like everyone, including you, is reading.
Bah!
Fine.

So I'm a bit smitten.
Which, I'm not gonna lie, I decided to research on Dictionary.com and Thesaurus.com before using.
And while I had an inkling in the back of my head, I most definitely did giggle out loud when Dictionary.com confirmed that it is a derivative of Smite.
Oh yeah.
I love the English language.

But again, I digress.

So I geek out at the little things.
Similarities that are so subtle you almost don't notice.
They make me giddy.
 Keep Calm.


I'm smitten. Just a lil.
This is nothing new. It happens. It's a part of who I am.
But nonetheless, every time, it frightens me.
And why shouldn't it?
Everything new is always so deceptive.
Not intentionally, it's just how it works.
Bugger that.


Ahhhahaha. Oh wow.
I was debating on writing how my heart tends to move faster than my head would prefer.
This concept put an image in my head.
It's like those water-skiers out on the rivers and lakes and such.
Except it's my heart that's driving the boat, and my head that's on the skies.
And my head is in no way a professional. Just scrambling to keep a hold on the rope.
And really, the heart isn't actually friends with head. It just pretended to be, to prank the head later on.
You can see where this is going.

Good thing I'm not afraid of water.

 

Expletives!
I'm completely bonkers. Yeesh.


I'm sorry.
I think too much.
I am way too insecure.
I'll be better in the morning.

I am destroyer, I am lover.

Life Is Like A T-Rex

I keep meaning to write, and then life happens.
Sometimes it's legitimate, sometimes I put it off because I can.
Either way, I know if I let it go any longer I'll fall back into not writing a blog.

I'm behind on my dreams as well, but I've at least taken notes.
Just nothing coherent enough to publish yet.

Jenny Owen Youngs happened. I believe that's where we left off...
It was glorious.
It was Aaron's first you-have-to-buy-a-ticket-to-get-in show.
There was an opening band. Well. Half of a band.
New Empires, I believe?
From Australia. Their other half was still in Australia.
I chatted them up. It was lovely.
I love accents.
And of course.
I got a hug from Jenny. I'm all about the hugs.
She is an amazing artist, I'm glad I saw her perform.

And even better, glad that I got to see it with Christine, Sam, and Aaron.
Nostalgia.
Going to shows, and seeing Christine on a regular basis... I most definitely miss that.

This whole weekend was filled with nostalgia.

Fancy bowling was fancy.
New faces, old concept. And new name, "Spiffy Bowling."
However, I drunkenly documented that well enough on Facebook.
So we'll just leave it at that.


I am so unbelievably content with life right now.
I am also unbelievably frightened.
And yes, I say this pretty much every other month week.

I think I am just perpetually waiting for the Other Shoe.

I seem to have this issue for accepting life for what it is.
I talk the talk, sure.
But deep down I still freak out.

Everything contradictory, I am.


I don't have things figured out.
Once upon a time, I was close.
Real close.
But that window closed, and now I wait til it's warm enough to open up another.

Waiting can be daunting.

Especially when an unexpected relationship springs up.
By no means is this a bad thing.
Just.
There's just so much.

It's too new to look too far ahead, and yet.
How else can I figure out my life, and all things it includes, without looking ahead?
Contradictory.

One day at a time.
One.


Yes, I am aware you are reading this.
And yes, behind this calm and awkward demeanor I am silently freaking out.
Contradictory.


But right now I am happy.
Most important of all, I am happy.
Thank you.

Dear February, I Love You.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE BUT I AM EXCITED.

There are so many confusing things happening.
I think they are all good.

But right now, I know this:

I am going to visit Christine today, a friend who I haven't seen in AT LEAST 5 years.
Probably longer, but shh.
A cute boy has decided to tag along.

(I am very much okay with this.)

And we are going to see Jenny Owen Youngs.
We will probably be disapproved by Delilah the bunny.
And there might be some Firefly action.

Then.
Tomorrow.
I get to dress up. Like really, truly, dress up.
To go bowling.

I love the concept of dressing up. But I always feel awkward.
Because I am not a dressy uppy type of person.
So to dress up, for awkward reasons, well... I'm right at home, then.
And I get to be with some pretty splendid company, too.

This whole weekend is a win.
And this whole week has been a win.
Actually. This entire month started off pretty full of win.
Dear everyone: THANK YOU.


P.S. For the next... nineteen days, I am officially up to date on my monthly mixes.
I'll just leave these right here...

knowing, without knowing. from meganagitor on 8tracks.

two cups discord, one teaspoon holidays, and a pinch of cheer. blend well. from meganagitor on 8tracks.

Strength in numbers. from meganagitor on 8tracks.

Seriously. Where Are The Dinosaurs Hiding?

Well, then.
I haven't been dreaming as vividly the past few days, so I don't have as much to write about as far as my dreams go.

But I was thinking on it, and perhaps I still am dreaming.
Because I'm pretty sure these things don't happen in reality.
Or at least not my reality.
Though if I'm dreaming, I think I might be okay with staying asleep.

However, I digress.

I had my little moment on the pedestal, regarding proper dates and the like.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing the work.
I think a guy should be worth fighting for.
But it's also a two-way street.

A street that I don't seem to be on, often.
This isn't a ploy for pity. I may not have found a knight in shining armour, but that doesn't lessen the people I've met or the experiences I've had.
I've just always wanted to.. see what's on the other side of the wall, I guess.


Obviously past boyfriends and... etc, have left something to be desired given my current situation.
But that doesn't mean they were entirely at fault.



Quite frankly, as much as I'd like to be fought for, I'm not sure I'm worth the fight.
I'd like to think I am.. so.. moreso I'm just worried that I'm not, I guess.
I'd hate for someone to go to all the effort to "woo" me, and then be like.. "...the fuck is this?"
I don't want to be the human equivalent of a Cracker Jack box.


That being said, yesterday completely baffled me.

In a good way.

I think.
But now I am completely and utterly disoriented, because these sorts of things don't happen.

So I'm just waiting for the dinosaurs to come out and start attacking folks.
Then I'd know for sure I was dreaming.
And it would all make sense.


Until then, just ignore the crossbow and grenades I'm carrying.
They're not for you, they're for the 'raptors.

Who Wants To Cuddle?

Again, I've been writing about my dreams almost every day.
(Because I've been having dreams almost every night.)

But it's so hard to write about what you are doing, when you are already busy doing it.

I've been having an off and on rough time with Alex (through no fault of his own).
But I think I'm finally surpassing that little blip on my radar.
Ironically enough, with his help.

Which.
I have the greatest friends ever.
And I keep meeting more.

Dear everyone in my life right now: You Rock.


So, my laptop is officially (mostly) fixed.
As long as it is plugged in, it turns on, and has a working operating system, and functions as laptops should.
Now if only I could figure out what is wrong with the battery/port area. Without having to spend more money.


In other news, I realized that I haven't been on a "proper" date in quite some time.
However, I use "proper" loosely.
There was a debate had about how if it's proper, then the gentleman pays.
Hey, if he wants to, sure.
But for me specifically, what's been lacking is the gentleman planning the date.
I can pay for myself. But I always end up picking out something to do.
Me, of all people, making the decisions. Ha.
Mostly because if I don't do it, it won't happen.

Just once.
Well.
More than once, hopefully. But for starters, just once, I'd like to be surprised.
Tell me what day to keep free, tell me what attire to wear, tell me what things to bring or not bring.
And show me the rest.

Also, I'd like some cuddles.
That'd be nice, too.



Ironically enough, I think I'm developing a bit of a crush.
Stupid brain.
Ah well. We'll see how that goes.

Equally perplexing, is I took a gander at my stats for this page and something in particular caught my eye.
One particular section on the page lists "search keywords" which I take to mean as people who searched for those particular keywords found a link to my page, and checked it out.
Perhaps I am wrong.
Given the one listing under search keywords thus far, I think I must be.
Because "justin bieber evil laugh" is what appears there.
Uhm.
What?

So yeah.
For now I will just leave you with this video, because I'm in fucking love with this song at the moment.
And It has NOTHING to do with Justin Bieber, or Evil Laughter, thankfully.


 Don't listen to a word I say! Hey!

Dreams Vs. Reality

I've actually been doing a better job at keeping my dream blog updated, than this one.
Three nights in a row, I've determined when I get home I will post an update.
And three nights in a row, surprise! It doesn't happen.

A few times, I solely wanted to write, to vent.
I've been mad at myself, for my emotions.
I can't control them, I understand I can't, but I dislike it nonetheless.
But as I am typing this, I don't have the momentum in me anymore to vent.
Another day, perhaps.
Ha! Perhaps?!
It's inevitable.
It is the highest amount of impossible, for me to keep my emotions and misconstrued over-active brain in check.

But for now, a few things of notable mention:

I posted on twitter about a fascinating article and video involving a record player "playing" a tree's rings.
Besides posting to the public, I added Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman to it as well. Given their numerous tweets, it seemed something they might be interested it.
I don't know what I actually expected. I figured, if they weren't over encumbered with everyone else in the world that tweets at them, they might read it. Perhaps they might even share it.
I wasn't far off.
Amanda Palmer took my message in its entirety, added her own little comment, and re-posted it.
I don't care how much of a fan-girl this makes me, but I most definitely squee'd.
No, she didn't reply to me directly.
But she took the time to read something I thought she might find interesting, and she found it interesting enough to share.
So I am allowed to squee, damnit.

Earlier in the week, my ex-aunt-in-law? slash friend of the family came over for dinner. She commented on a piece of art that is hanging in our living room.
This one, to be exact:

(The post-it reads: "my mind is not strong enough to keep these thoughts out of my head")
It was my 20th birthday present, from my parents.
Her commenting on it caused a chain reaction, which ultimately led me to dig out other works I have by Kurt Halsey, stored away from when I moved home from Chicago.
Not for lack of wanting them, but so many still need to be framed. So for now, they stay safe in a storage bin.
However, it was a wonderful little trip down memory lane, seeing the pieces that spoke to me and the memories that accompanied them.

Last, but not least, I have finally taken steps on the trek down Doctor Who lane.
Long ago, I made it my goal to start from the beginning - well, initially, the 2005 beginning.
I watched the first episode, and most of the second but it was late and night and I dozed off before the ending.
For the next few days, I kept it in my mind, to watch the last bit of the second episode and continue my journey.
However, it got pushed to the side, and for a short while forgotten.
But! No longer!
I've resumed my adventure, and couldn't be happier about it.
The going is slow, as I have to juggle other aspects of my life, but slow is better than stagnant!
Next up, "Dalek"

Eep!

Clever Girl

Once upon a time, I had the best job ever.
Well. Theoretically.
I worked at Reckless Records.
It wasn't high-paying, but I was happy.
It was the least stressful job I ever had.
However it wasn't enough to keep me within the claws of a grasping Chicago economy.
So I had to move back home.

But to this day, I am proud to have been a part of it.

So when I saw this:
Happy Endings: "Makin' Changes"

I about pee'd my pants.
About six and a half minutes into the show, one of the main characters friend's is shown, and he is wearing a Reckless Records T-shirt.
I jumped out of my seat.
I know it was only something small, but I will always be grateful for that job, and that experience.

So for my sake, go watch that video while it's available. And do a happy dance when you see the Reckless T-Shirt.
And maybe even laugh and enjoy it, because it IS a comedy.


In other news, at the rate I am going I doubt there will be a day I won't have a dream to write about.
Although I wish today the entry would have been blank.
I understand the irrationality behind most dreams.
The worst dreams are the ones that take my fears in real life, and incorporate them into something worse once asleep.
I already know in real life, that my thoughts can be on the ridiculous side. That I think too much, and I fret too much.
I know this all too well.
But then for these thoughts and fears to be sucked into my dream world, where the fantastic happens on a regular basis...
Not cool, brain. Not. Cool.
I don't expect my dreams to be all rainbows and unicorns.
I have my fair share of ravenous dinosaurs quite regularily.
But I would rather dream of a Velociraptor tearing my arm off, than to have my real life fears amplified while asleep.


I can't wait for this roller coaster to take on more passengers.
It's far from over, but at least there will be a small reprieve before it starts the next loop.